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  • Farzeen Heesambee

A love and hate story

I had this love and hate relationship too, but now it’s gone and it’s only after something is gone that you truly realise its value.

He always wore red, maybe because red is the colour of love, like a red heart or maybe because red is the colour of hate, like when you turn red with rage, I don’t really know the reason for his redness, but I have seen his brothers; some prefer blue as a colour, maybe because it is a peaceful colour, like the blue sky, serene or the ocean.

But the one in my life was definitely red, and I guess his redness symbolised our love and hate relationship. I don’t remember our first meeting, I just know he was always there, ever since I remembered, like this irritating childhood friend that you have but you never know when the relationship is going to evolve.

We used to travel together everywhere and he even had a room in my house where he was treated like a family member. I used to get jealous sometimes, I felt my dad loved him more than me, he would bathe him, then make sure to polish his red garments and I would watch it all - the old thing, how come he deserved more attention than me?

But I couldn’t imagine life without him, he had some good qualities, he would make sure I get safely wherever I needed to (well most of the time). That’s where the troubles were in our relationship, he was not always reliable, he was kind of frail and nobody wants a frail boyfriend, especially not when you are young and you have a reputation to protect in front of your peers. So, he wasn't the type of guy you'd like your friends to catch you with.

I remember that breezy day when we were both heading home and it got so windy that he literally started going backwards, and I was so annoyed, I wanted to be home on time, but he was so skinny and light that even the wind could blow him away. Luckily, no one saw me with I'm that day. I got home furious and told my parents I never want to see him again. And there was this other time where he almost got me killed in a road accident by suddenly stopping mid-way, luckily my dad was there to save the day. So yeah, he wasn’t always the best of companies but I guess he was there to support me.

As my dad was fond of him, he didn't see any problem and in us going out without a chaperone, so I used to sometime go around the blocks with him faithfully by my side.

And there was that every other time where we would have to go somewhere uphill, and his lazy arse would take ages to get there, I had to actually physically push him, that’s the times I hated him the most, he was completely useless. What’s the point of having a man in your life if you end up being the one carrying him? That made no sense to me.

Then one day I came home, and dad said we will have to do without his services now, and he was to be sent away. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted this to happen anymore, I mean I always wished dad would replace him with a more dashing substitute so I could show off in front of my friends, but our relationship went way back and I realised maybe I started having feelings for him, but never really wanted to admit it as he was never going to be a cool enough boyfriend.

I tried to convince dad that all he needed was a candle of love, and then he would be no trouble, but dad said no candle could save his life now. So, he was sent off forever, never to be seen.

Now that he is gone, I sometimes fondly think of him and wish he was there.

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